I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize