she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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