bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
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Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
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I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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