When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize