I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize