dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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