I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
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Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
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We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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