it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize