Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
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just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
you never un-have a 4some
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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