community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
if only i could text you this smell
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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