so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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