so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
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I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
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He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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