capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize