please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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