I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Plan B is the new Plan A
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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