You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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