did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize