Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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