worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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