fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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