Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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