me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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