"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize