I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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