According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
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I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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