I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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