I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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