then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
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i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
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I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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