cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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