I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
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She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
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Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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