I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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