Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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