if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize