you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
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I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
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It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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