i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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