I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
