i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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