he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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