Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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