he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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