Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
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I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
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I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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