The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize