Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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