I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize