he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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