Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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