yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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