I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
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apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
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your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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