Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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