Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize