I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
